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Blogger Depression

by Megan

I hope I can keep this post relatively short and coherent. I don’t know if it will have any pictures. But I don’t want to not write it.

I’ve been having a little bit of what I’ll call “blogger depression” lately. I guess you could say it’s a combination of not feeling like I have anything to write about or time to write it, a noticeable dip in comments and interaction, and not being chosen for some great opportunities that I thought I would be perfect for.

This is of course coming at the same time that we happen to be in transition (or more accurately, a “waiting period”) as a family, while we wrap up an incredibly busy school year (which is proving to be crazy busy down to the very last day), try to find a house to move into, move, finish out the last two months of pregnancy, have a baby, and start my oldest in Kindergarten.

I know I should “find the happy” every day rather than saying “after (insert something here) I will be able to relax and be happy” but it’s been hard to stay positive while being constantly uncomfortable. I tried to explain pregnancy to my husband by saying, “It’s something I can’t escape from or take medication to feel better about.” True. Sleep is a struggle every night, and I still have about 50 nights to go. Also, there IS an end in sight, even if it’s a few months away, so it’s hard to focus on enjoying the now rather than just getting through it. I will have the baby. We will move into a larger house. I will be able to work during the days again instead of in the evenings.

Back to the “blogger” part of my “blogger depression.”

When I was in college, majoring in theatre and following both the musical theatre and the theatre education tracks, at one point I had to step back and realize that I was killing myself trying to be friends with some of the other theatre majors. It occurred to me that friendship shouldn’t be something that you have to work so hard at maintaining. When I realized that, I took a step back from all the ego stroking and took a big breath of relief. The constant competition and “fakeness” was too much to handle. It just wasn’t for me. But guess what? I stopped getting roles and opportunities. I was no longer part of the “in crowd.”

I’ve been feeling a similar tinge of that lately in my blog world. Please note that I say MY blog world. Aka in my head. I am not referring to any specific blogger, nor am I accusing any bloggers of being fake or exclusive. It can just be hard trying to keep up with everything when there is so much to stay on top of.

After getting back from the conference this weekend (which WAS fantastic), I just felt down on myself. Like “why isn’t that big blogger commenting on any of my photos,” or “I guess I thought I had a closer relationship with this blogger than she thought we had,” or “does anybody care about my blog at all?”

Yes, I am clearly the neurotic girl in this relationship metaphor.

In addition to feeling somewhat insecure and unimportant, two other things have been bothering me:

First, I’m so embarrassed by my appearance. I’m well-aware that I am extremely pregnant, but I’m also well-aware that that’s not the whole problem.

At the conference this weekend, I had the opportunity to get up and speak in front of the whole group. I snatched up that opportunity thinking, “Hey I paid for my ticket and traveled all the way out here; why not take advantage of every second and get the most I possibly can out of this experience, including a chance to introduce myself to everyone all at once.” I felt super comfortable and even had the group laughing several times, but once I sat back down and saw photos of me up there, it was like none of that even mattered. I was so disappointed.

Second, I’ve heard blogger after blogger after blogger encourage us to “be real” or “write our struggles” or whatever you want to call it. I feel like unless I reveal my deepest darkest secrets on my blog, I’m doing something wrong. I don’t think that I’m one of those “sunshine and rainbows” people who always act like they have their life together. Nobody does, and I don’t pretend to! However, there are certain things that I just am not going to talk about on my blog. I feel pressured to be totally open about everything, but this blog is very public, and some parts of my life are very private. On top of that, some people wear their hearts on their sleeves, but I tend to be more of an emotional closed book in real life. Maybe that makes me a bad writer/blogger. I don’t know.

So now that I’ve made the complaints, what are the solutions?

1. Define my purpose for blogging and write to that end (and yes, this solution is directly inspired by Ashley‘s talk this weekend). This doesn’t even mean that I’ll get more comments or page views, but it’s a place to start (or restart).

2. Give other bloggers a break. It’s not that my blog is unimportant, but that the market is saturated. There are so. many. blogs. And I KNOW that there are a handful of lovely ladies out there who have given my blog much more love than I’ve given back to them, so I’m guilty as well.

3. Love without expecting retaliation. Continue to show love to the bloggers I, well, love, without expecting the same from them in return. In addition, try to go the extra mile by giving attention to those who have supported me and my blog.

4. Have the baby. This will go a long way in helping me feel better!

5. Work on writing great posts and keep applying for relevant opportunities. Despite how I may have come across at the conference, I don’t only care about making money from my blog! It’s a nice perk, and I had a good run of opportunities for awhile but nothing lately.

6. Realize that others aren’t judging me as harshly as I judge myself. I can look at women who are much larger than me and see their beauty, but still be ashamed of myself. Nobody else is thinking the horrible thoughts that I think about myself.

Well I think that’s it. I think I got it all out! If I had written this a few days ago, the whole solutions section would be missing, as I wasn’t ready to think rationally. Now I think I can move onwards and upwards. And have this baby already…

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15 comments

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15 comments

Kate May 16, 2013 - 11:37pm

Megan, I totally get this!
Sometimes I feel like I put so much into commenting, following, linking up and getting my “name” out there and then am disappointed when it’s not reciprocated. I recently did my own link-up and made sure to advertise and not one.single.person linked up. I was so embarrassed (that I deleted it) and it’s made me really decide that I need to take a step back and evaluate what I really want to put into blogging and take from it. I hope you get out of your funk soon!

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Janine Huldie May 16, 2013 - 11:48pm

I think we have all had those moments and must tell you that I too have felt that way a bit in the past few weeks. I think the warmer weather coming doesn’t help either, because I want to be outdoors more then sitting in my home writing. But I do think you have some great suggestions and solutions here. Just know you aren’t alone on this one.

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Carly May 16, 2013 - 11:48pm

I’m so sad I missed this weekend and didn’t get to see you! And I love how honest you are in this post!

Carly
http://www.lipglossandcrayons.com

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bjeller May 17, 2013 - 4:03am

Love your solutions. I think you are a great blogger, with such honest words. And ahhhdorable :) Keep your chin up, pop out a baby, and keep on writing!

Becca

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Hip-Baby Mama May 17, 2013 - 1:46am

I appreciate your honesty. We all go through “blogger ego.” Like “My stuff is WAAAYYY better than hers, how come she has thousands of followers?” And i’ve gotten passed over for tons of opportunities. I totally relate to you.
You don’t have to fit into a blogger mold or have a specific voice. Write because you enjoy it. And if it stops being fun, take a step back for a while. You’ll get your mojo back…

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Mel S. May 17, 2013 - 2:00am

I have totally been there myself, too. I think that you hit the nail on the head with focusing on why you are blogging. I do find myself going on tangents at time. But, when I get frustrated I try to bring myself back around to why I am doing what I am doing.

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Holly Higgins May 17, 2013 - 3:43am

Thank you for writing this! I feel like I have a bit of blogger depression myself. It can be exhausting at times to keep up with a blog and it does hurt when you’re left out of things for whatever reason. I come across that myself lately and it almost feels like you’re blacklisted or something :-) I really like #3 and #6. Those are definitely things I need to keep reminding myself :-) I’m so glad to know I’m not the only one who feels this way!

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Leslie @ Violet Imperfection May 17, 2013 - 4:36am

I love this post. I have been having a bit of the ” why do I even do this” thoughts about blogging. Sometimes I feel like I’m disappointing readers or that I’m not posting about what people want to read. I have to remind myself that my blog is for me and no one else. If I love what I write about than that is all that matters.

I love this incredibly honest post. It’s nice to see one of the bigger blogs I read has the same struggles as I do. :)

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Kate Eschbach May 17, 2013 - 5:04am

Hugs and hugs. I completely relate. I am definitely not part of the in crowd. When my feelings are stung – I just go back to why I started – to give my mom and MIL a way to watch the kiddos grow – and for me to write down things before I forget them.

I wish I could take you out for coffee and just let you vent.

You are beautiful. You have encouraged me and done amazing things for me when I needed it and didn’t expect it. Love!

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Andrea{TheUglyTruthMom} May 17, 2013 - 5:18am

Some great ideas there that we all should take into consideration.

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Megan May 17, 2013 - 5:34am

You said everything I have been feeling for the last… year!… so perfectly!! I’m so glad I”m not the only one. And I really look up to how brave you are to write all this! I love you Megan!!! :)

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Kristine Foley May 18, 2013 - 6:14am

Oh poop! I am sorry you’re going thru a tough time. First, girl you are one BUSY lady, just reading about all the changes and transitions you are going thru RIGHT NOW is overwhelming so I can’t even imagine how you’re feeling. You are doing great, even if you don’t feel like it. Second I LOVED meeting and really talking with you this past weekend! I didn’t get that you were in a funk vibe at all, actually the opposite. I thought you were super brave getting up there and putting yourself out there! GO YOU! I have suffered one to many times and probably will again blogger funkiness, I think it comes with the territory :) Anywhoo! You have my number and I’m always available to chit chat/bullshit so please don’t hesitate! Love you lady! No really I do! :) XOXOXO

Kristine –The Foley Fam {unedited}

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Brooke @ Covered in Grace May 18, 2013 - 11:58pm

Hey Megan <3
I think there are a great handful of us out here right now that feel the exact same things. I’ve been taking long breaks between actually writing posts lately b/c I’ve felt the same kind of blogger depression and a strong pull to remove myself from the computer lately. I think you are a freaking super woman and I am sending you love and support. Xxo

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